Dear Diary, by E.T.

As a young foolish child of early, early teen years I wrote a single diary entry…well as most of you will get to know about me I don’t have lady luck on my side. My mother found the piece of paper all the way in the bottom of my backpack crumbled up, a day after I wrote it and gave me hell over it.

Since then I have not written anything and left it around the house…ever. I recently started writing and now I have a blue journal that has many entries and I am afraid that someone will find and well as they say the rest is history.

My mother finding that crumbled piece of paper taught me many valuable lessons, the two most valuable were:

  1. Trust: she lost my trust, well she had lost it before, but this affirmed it even more that I could not trust her, because how can she “magically” find that a day after I wrote it in the condition she found it. This led my young mind to know that she had been going through my stuff on a daily basis, not just the occasional once a week etc. as I had thought.
  2. My feelings did not matter: the entry was written after a blow out with her, everything written in there were my poor and pathetic feelings. Nothing saying, “I hate mom, she is unfair” etc. it was just how I felt. But the way she dissected and added hidden meanings to my words and threw them at me made me come to that realization.

I come from a very complicated background, this shaped me in to the person I am today. I freely admit that I have parental issues. Some of my entries will probably contain something along the lines of the impact parents, culture, and religion has on people.  I will try and be as articulate as I can be so that I can understand my surrounds and what makes a person think, act, behave, feel etc. the way they do.

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Silent Thoughts by E.T.

Why am I writing a blog?

I am not a writer. Far from it, complete opposite direction, but I feel as though each of us not only has a story to tell but many stories, life experiences, viewpoints, feelings and memories that we could share with each other. A lot of times our thoughts, emotions, feelings etc. are compressed, disregarded, thrown aside or in my case what I like to do is hide it in the deep, deep recess of my mind and heart and never let it see the light of day or even fluorescent lighting. I think that’s one of the things that make life soo hard. There is no one to talk to; no one to truly understand what is going on. We don’t even have the courage to face a mirror and tell ourselves some of the things we hide inside. I want this blog to be my way of letting light in, an outlet of sorts so that I can stop carrying so much around with me and have the guts to actually look at myself in the proverbial mirror.

I am E.T. Echo Toska.

Echo: Because I strongly believe that at some point or another every human being will experience the same range of emotions.

Toska: Russian – Vladmir Nabokov describes it best: “No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody or something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.”

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Whispering secrets by Lifeofabloom

The other day I had some friends over, we were going to watch a show on TV and just chill. So we are talking, discussing things, laughing at stupid things and having a good time. Then one of my friends leans over towards another friend and whispers something in his ear. I found that to be truly rude. I don’t think whispering and covering your mouth is appropriate when you are supposed to be chilling with your friends. We used to do that when we were kids, it’s not acceptable to do that when you are a full grown adult. 

Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, but to be honest I thought it was very disrespectful and quite immature. What are you trying to say? Oh I want to say something but not to you guys? it’s unnecessary. If you really have a private comment to say, call that person and talk on the phone about it, or discuss it when you see him in person, not when you have friends around. Maybe I’m disappointed because I didn’t see it coming from this particular person. 

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People who put you down by Lifeofabloom

There is a fine line between honesty and unfounded criticism. I think sometimes, the two get mixed up and it happens all the time. Being honest is important, if you get asked for your opinion, and the person asking is seeking a real answer, be honest about what you are going to say. Say it how you mean it, say it as it is.

But sometimes, and for different reasons, people think they are being honest, but instead they criticize the other person because of competition, jealousy, or resentment. This happens between friends, family members and even best friends. The latter hurts the most: you expect your best friends to be very honest with you. If i ask your opinion about something and you genuinely don’t like it, I expect you to let me know that you don’t like it and that’s your honest opinion. But when you criticize, add some unwanted comments, and just vilify your opinion, then it will be obvious to me. When this experience happens with someone you are really close to, you start doubting many things and this is not healthy, it lowers your self esteem and shakes down your trust.

All in all, I think it’s a sensitive subject, because at the end of the day, you want people to be honest with you, but what if that person can’t handle your honesty? and what if your “honest” opinion is not really so honest? 

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Plastic surgery by Lifeofabloom

I was such a fan of plastic surgery a few years ago, I thought it’s good for people, makes them look better, improves self esteem etc…I was wrong. I changed my mind, I hate plastic surgery. I don’t hate the procedures, I hate how people are having unnecessary surgeries and ruining their bodies in the process. Let me be clear, if you have a big nose and you hate it so much, go ahead and get a nose job, I have no problem with that, But please, stop there. Don’t start thinking you need to have nicer lips, nicer cheeks etc…

Let’s face it, people care about looks, I care about looks, but enough is enough, I look at these celebrities, they look nothing like their own self. They all look like stretched barbie dolls, and they don’t look good. People are going extreme with this business, and no one is trying to change the situation. Girls on the street are starting to look like each other, it’s ridiculous. 
Plastic surgery should be utilized in a more humane way, someone who has severe burns, someone who got in a terrible car accident, situations like that. I know it is being used in that way, but I’m assuming when we talk about plastic surgery, we mean getting a nose job, lip enhancement or other surgery, for no apparent reason other than looking good. 

Finally, I think we cannot deny, looks are very important, everyone wants to look good, including myself and you, but this road to ” perfection” is never going to be achieved. People are never going to look perfect. So a little enhancement here and there is fine in my opinion, but be satisfied with how you look. 

Lifeofabloom

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First post by lifeofabloom

From time to time, it’s good to let it out all. it’s good to just relax, sit down and embrace your emotions, whatever your are feeling. You might be feeling overjoyed, sad, anxious or even confused, it doesn’t matter, it’s a mind cleanse. that’s what i call it.

I just finished watching the movie “a love to hide” in french “Un amour à taire”, and I can’t shake this feeling off. I can’t really explain it exactly, but i feel like i need to keep reminding myself that it’s not easy, and it’s never going to be easy. Movies like this put me in my place, help me realize that with one mistake, i can screw it up. To be honest, this is one of the best films I’ve ever seen, so intense, so sad, so real. I know i already know this, but there is so much hate in this world. Why? i keep asking myself, but i cant seem to find an answer. Everyone needs to see this movie, here’s hoping it might change the minds of the weak.
If I really think about, yes today is different, the world is more tolerant, but i think the only reason that is the case, is because of society, laws and the legal system, not because people have less hate towards a certain community or towards each other. Hate is still there, people still hate like they did the 1940’s, but its harder to act on their hate.

Lifeofabloom

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